To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
