i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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