Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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