I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
