Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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