you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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