I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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