I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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