Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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