2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
