Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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