My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize