I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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