i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
