can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
