I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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