Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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