How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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