We won't sleep together?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
