I wish I only lived at night.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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