there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
