I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
