I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
