Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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