Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
