I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
