So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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