I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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