It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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