I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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