I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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