dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
