I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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