It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
