I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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