there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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