I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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