i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
