Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My dick has a subreddit
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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