better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
