no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
