So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
