You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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