My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize