i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
