How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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