He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Dignity is for republicans.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
