The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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