So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
not ubering you a puppy
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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