Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
