I wannas sexs uuuuu
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
