he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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