Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
