Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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