Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
