Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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