Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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