You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
