11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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