There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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