i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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