CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
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And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
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He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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