I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
