I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
